I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
