my phone needs a breathalizer
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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