wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
