yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
