haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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