YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
