on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You may now shotgun with the bride
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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