I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
