No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
