if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
