Sorry, I don't speak sober.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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