My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize