i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
