Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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