My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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