Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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