I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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