we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
How external is "for external use only"?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
