He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Someone shit on the floor
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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