Ambien. No doubt about it.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
