we have pet lesbian snakes
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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