he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
