kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
