I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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