There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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