hotel room ftw
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
