So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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