I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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