We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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