To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
