yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
