Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize