youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
