well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
