Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize