I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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