my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
