Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
