i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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