I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
