Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize