i need an iv and a liver transplant
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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