Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
