Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
it's like iHOP with fire
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
