Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
