In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
