I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
