she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
