I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
