how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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