I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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