I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
