so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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