I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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