Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
