You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
