I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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