I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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