He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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