evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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