someone threw a dead crab at me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
