she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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