I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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