I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Slut skills are useful in every country.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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