Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
