bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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