she takes plan B like it's going out of style
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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