I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
