vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Let's paint friendship bongs
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
