honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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