ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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