did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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