Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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