i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
