He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
